Sorry.
It’s not you, it’s me.
No, it’s not cliché; it’s the story of my life.
I’ve never allowed myself to get emotionally close to a girl, ever.
Every time I come close to someone I either end up shutting her out, desperately try to find flaws in her personality, looks or I just try to make her not interested in me anymore.
I don’t know why I do that. It’s just a thing I have going for me, don’t know how to stop it either. But I want to.
God I want to.
I guess I’m afraid of opening up to a real person, you know? Sharing those things about me I really don’t want them to find out; my real thoughts, experiences and feelings. Basically I have a problem with the whole vulnerability shit. What if she doesn’t like what she hears and leave me? What if I end up really liking this girl but she hurt me? What if? What if? What if?
It’s easy to tell a girl she’s beautiful, that you want to ask her out, that her hair looks nice, shirt is sexy, but it’s incredibly difficult to tell her things about myself. Nor is it easy to allow myself to really, really believe my own words when I say that I like her. Maybe I really do like her, or maybe I’m just lonely.
I guess that won’t be an issue when I find the right one, will it? But what if it doesn’t change What if some things never change? What if I will push her away and miss my chance? What if? What if? What if?
You got some serious issues man.
Yes.
What if I do?
